For the next Blog Love article, Dr. J over at Single Black Male gives us ladies some insight by translating some “guyspeak” on ten signs your man is mad at you. Ladies, do any of these things sound familiar to you or have you been the one to say them? Fellas, have you said these things before? What’s missing from the list?
-Love & Light… CB Radio
A few years back I was with my ex and she had a close friend who came home to find that her boyfriend had moved all of his things out while she was away at work that day. As she sat with her trying to console her I was thinking to myself, “I know for a fact that he didn’t just up and leave.” You know she had told me a story about how she kept pressing him to make plans for marriage and he was very hesitant, but they had been together for a minute so she kept pressing. In my mind, I knew what happened: he got so frustrated that one day he just decided he’d leave since she wouldn’t listen to him. I think that the majority of men whether they are excellent communicators or not always have a tendency to let things bottle up inside of them. I’ve noticed in myself that I have that flaw, I’ll never really tell a person when they’re bothering me until it’s too late and either I’m ready to move on or I explode. I thought back over all the times I’ve been mad and I came up with a list of ten signs he’s upset.
The fan favorite for the Black male is telling you that nothing is wrong. Pay close attention to this though, it’s different from when a woman says, “nothing.” When a woman says “nothing” she really means, “keep trying to find out what’s wrong.” When a man says “nothing” he really means “everything is wrong but I don’t want to talk about it because the situation isn’t likely to change.”
“You got it.”
At a certain point in every argument men reach that point where they realize that there is no way for them to win or even find middle ground. They also realize that sometimes their old lady has gotten so wound up for battle that he’s on level 1 and she’s preparing for an Extinction Level Event.
“I should just…”
This is my favorite… when I get to that point where I’m upset or frustrated I tell myself that I should just do something wild so you see exactly why I’m upset. If you’re giving me the silent treatment and I’m trying to ask if you want to go to this nice dinner tonight, I’ll just say, “I should just leave and then watch what she do when she see the pics on Instagram.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it.”
At this point, the man has completely lost any hope that you could possibly handle the situation or issue. This literally means, “cease and desist, move on to the side, and don’t do anything else to contribute to the dismay or failure of the situation.” Keep in mind, once a man loses faith in your ability to handle situations, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever get back that faith. This might be a time when an act of desperation or a “coming through in the clutch” moment should be inspired inside of you.
You ever been driving down the street, seen a couple in another car and the guy’s hands are on the steering wheel, staring out the front of the car while his girlfriend is ripping him a new one? Funny right? Nope. That’s a tactic used by men to not contribute to a crazy situation. Typically, when a crazy situation ends both sides say what they did wrong to contribute to it, by not saying anything at all it leaves no other chance for a result other than “woman you crazy.”
I’ve got a friend who says this just about all the time. It’s typically between men and not often used towards women. “Aight, bet” means, “I’m through with this argument, actions speak louder than words.” “Aight, bet” is also the most frequently used phrase before someone exits and returns with a pistol or shank. If you’re around a bar or lounge and you see someone say this and leave, you should go too.
“Are you serious?!”
We’re just seeking clarification that you actually know just how much of a hot mess you’re currently acting like. We don’t really expect anything to come from this question, but we want you to understand you’re being a hot mess. Feel free to continue on with your point, but we just wanting to level set on the status of your behavior.
We are all very well aware that women hate this reply to anything. It means a lot but it doesn’t give a single detail or confirmation. If you start hooting and hollering and you get an “OK” it’s the ultimate finger to your storm. We’ll do it via text, we’ll do it in person, sometimes we’ll even do it over the phone just to have that long and awkward pause. No matter what, just know that it means we’re pissed about something.
“You know what?”
You definitely know what, you’re just denying it and he wants you to know. Typically, when I’ve reached, “you know what?” status it’s because the woman is operating under a completely false premise. Maybe I’m trying to keep the peace and she keeps pushing, that’s when I got to let her know what the “what” really is.
“I shouldn’t have to do this.”
Letting you know what we should and shouldn’t have to do is the last sign of frustration. The problem with relationships is that there really isn’t a manual for how to be in a relationship, just a lot of hearsay advice from various sources in our network. There are self-help books everywhere, but none of them are really telling you anything you couldn’t find out elsewhere. “I should have to do this” means, “You should know better.” It’s a sign that you’re neglecting something that you should be more than capable of handling.
Everybody’s relationship is different and every guy will express his anger in different ways. Some guys will agree with this list, some will say they’ve never said any of these a day in their life. (They’re probably lying to be honest with you.) Ladies, what are some signs that you look for when trying to figure out if he’s angry? Fellas, have I left any off this list that typically are the signs that you’re upset?