why did i big chop? glad you asked…

On February 3, 2012 I did one of the most daring things I’ve probably ever done… (Yes, I know that doesn’t speak much to be being a risk-taker.) I big chopped and cut off probably about 95% of my hair. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a big chop (otherwise known as a “BC”) is a term used to describe cutting off relaxed (or chemically straightened) hair leaving only natural (or non-chemically straightened) hair. I had my last relaxer in October of 2010 and had been slowly (and nervously) transitioning and trying to get acquainted with the new texture of my hair emerging. At  slightly over a year later, I decided I was ready to let it all go. I was ready to start over.

“Happy to be nappy… I’m black and I’m proud that I have been chosen to wear the conscious cloud.”

-Donnie 

(Check this song out by clicking on the picture above or the album it’s on by clicking on his name!)

Armed with an arsenal of new hair products I had been trying out during my transition, CurlyNikki.com, and my favorite YouTube vloggers (i.e. MyNaturalSistas, Naptural85, MahoganyCurls, and IvyCharlaine), it was time the world met my natural hair and time for it to meet the world! Now, don’t get me wrong. At times it was scary and downright uncomfortable. What if it never grows back? What if no one else likes it? What if my head looks funny? What if my short hair makes me look… gasp… ugly?! 

Well, after a few days I really started to like it, and you know what? I no longer cared who did or didn’t agree. You know what else? I thought my hair was beautiful just the way it grew out of my scalp!

I know that there are swarms of women who will testify to doing a BC for very militant,  racial, spiritual, or very anti-conformist/anti-relaxer reasons, but meh… I was just plain tired. Tired of spending half of my Saturday twice a month in a beauty shop. Tired of spending $60+ every time I needed a relaxer. Tired of the damage the relaxer caused to the health of my hair. Tired of never really being satisfied with my hair even after all of the time and money spent. Tired of always being concerned about sweating during workouts or getting caught in the rain. Just tired! Something needed to give and what other people thought I should or shouldn’t be doing with my hair no longer mattered.

If you ask me, there are plenty of perks that came along with my BC. Confidence began to abound. It was almost a freeing experience that suddenly made me want to change other things about myself and how I perceived myself. I wanted to not only have healthy hair, I wanted to be healthy. I didn’t just want to do what made me happy with my hair, I wanted to do what made me happy… period.

I’m not here to knock anyone else for what they choose to do to their hair. I’m just telling my story… Long or short, relaxed or natural, dyed or not… I say as long as your hair is healthy, do you! I’m just very happy that I can now just do me. The health of my hair, the versatility, the uniqueness… is all endless! And it was all worth it.

Love and Light… -CB Radio

Now excuse me while I….

WHIP IT REAL HARD! WHIP IT, WHIP IT, REAL HARD!! 🙂

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blog love – i love you, but i don’t need you and you certainly don’t complete me

Today’s Blog Love post is from one of my favorite bloggers, Ms. GG Renee of All the Many Layers. A few months back, I made a post about Tamar Braxton’s new single, Love and War. I briefly touched on the type of relationship that evokes two very different dynamics… the feeling of love and the feeling of war. Essentially, in this type of relationship you fight hard but you love even harder. You might fight like cats and dogs but in the end… it’s always all good.

Well, this post from GG Renee explores the notion that sometimes what we view in our relationships as “love”… the drama, intensity, obsession… just might be signs of an unhealthy attachment. Read on to see if you, or someone you know, can relate.

-Love & Light… CB Radio

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2012

I Love You, but I Don’t Need You {and You Certainly Don’t Complete Me}

I have this maddening pet peeve about love songs. And I’m going to tell you about it. It will sound trivial at first, but we’ll end up in a valuable, thoughtful kind of place – I promise.

So, I can’t stand love songs that are written with these extreme simplifications that don’t really make sense.  To wit: “I’d die without you…You are my everything…I can’t breathe without you.”

Really?  Nothing would make me run away faster.  I find these sentiments disturbing. They sound like obsession.  And unhealthy attachment.  Not love.  Love is about letting go, not clinging.

Maybe we need the drama.  Some of us think that if there’s no intensity, then it’s not love. Anyone?

~~~~~~~~~~

Years ago, all I’d experienced was that volatile kind of love – it probably shouldn’t even be called love, desire is a better word – where I was driven by this need to be with this man at all costs.  I was endlessly patient, thinking that I could turn him into what I wanted him to be through perserverance. Not only did I want him to change, but I wanted him to change for me.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I defined myself by our relationship. I didn’t think I could be happy with him not loving me the way I thought he should.  I wanted him to fill me up.

Never again, in a millions lifetimes would I ever want to feel that I need someone’s love to make me whole.  I couldn’t see what was really happening; all I could see was what I wanted to happen. I thought this desire was love.  But I wasn’t being my true self and I wasn’t letting him be true to himself either.  Yet I would cry and throw love in his face to make him feel responsible for my turmoil.  “But I loooooove you!  I’ve done nothing but love you and look how you treat me!”

I can vividly remember the wall slides and the slamming doors.  Somewhere deep down, deep deep down, I relished all the emotional mayhem.  I thought, “Wow, we must really be in love.  We go at it, but we can’t function without each other so we keep coming back.”    I managed to actually feel lucky to have such passion in my life.  No matter the cost, I was going to go down with that ship.  I was sure of it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Love has no desire but to fulfill itself.”   You don’t have to force it, trick it, wait for it or cage it up so no one else can get it.  You don’t have to experience pain or heartache in order to experience love.

When you truly love someone, you are simply thankful that they exist and you want them to be happy whether they are with you or not. You can see beyond yourself enough to know that this is not all there is.

This post is not just about romance and dramatic lyrics though, is it?  The more we learn what love is trying to teach us, the more we’ll appreciate every aspect of our journeys.  Love does not exist in one person, place or thing.  It’s everywhere, above, below and around and inside of all of us.  So you see, there’s no need to cling or fixate on a certain outcome.

Love says to let go, have faith, and be at peace. Not just in your relationships, but in life.  Are you listening?