blog love – i love you, but i don’t need you and you certainly don’t complete me

Today’s Blog Love post is from one of my favorite bloggers, Ms. GG Renee of All the Many Layers. A few months back, I made a post about Tamar Braxton’s new single, Love and War. I briefly touched on the type of relationship that evokes two very different dynamics… the feeling of love and the feeling of war. Essentially, in this type of relationship you fight hard but you love even harder. You might fight like cats and dogs but in the end… it’s always all good.

Well, this post from GG Renee explores the notion that sometimes what we view in our relationships as “love”… the drama, intensity, obsession… just might be signs of an unhealthy attachment. Read on to see if you, or someone you know, can relate.

-Love & Light… CB Radio

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2012

I Love You, but I Don’t Need You {and You Certainly Don’t Complete Me}

I have this maddening pet peeve about love songs. And I’m going to tell you about it. It will sound trivial at first, but we’ll end up in a valuable, thoughtful kind of place – I promise.

So, I can’t stand love songs that are written with these extreme simplifications that don’t really make sense.  To wit: “I’d die without you…You are my everything…I can’t breathe without you.”

Really?  Nothing would make me run away faster.  I find these sentiments disturbing. They sound like obsession.  And unhealthy attachment.  Not love.  Love is about letting go, not clinging.

Maybe we need the drama.  Some of us think that if there’s no intensity, then it’s not love. Anyone?

~~~~~~~~~~

Years ago, all I’d experienced was that volatile kind of love – it probably shouldn’t even be called love, desire is a better word – where I was driven by this need to be with this man at all costs.  I was endlessly patient, thinking that I could turn him into what I wanted him to be through perserverance. Not only did I want him to change, but I wanted him to change for me.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I defined myself by our relationship. I didn’t think I could be happy with him not loving me the way I thought he should.  I wanted him to fill me up.

Never again, in a millions lifetimes would I ever want to feel that I need someone’s love to make me whole.  I couldn’t see what was really happening; all I could see was what I wanted to happen. I thought this desire was love.  But I wasn’t being my true self and I wasn’t letting him be true to himself either.  Yet I would cry and throw love in his face to make him feel responsible for my turmoil.  “But I loooooove you!  I’ve done nothing but love you and look how you treat me!”

I can vividly remember the wall slides and the slamming doors.  Somewhere deep down, deep deep down, I relished all the emotional mayhem.  I thought, “Wow, we must really be in love.  We go at it, but we can’t function without each other so we keep coming back.”    I managed to actually feel lucky to have such passion in my life.  No matter the cost, I was going to go down with that ship.  I was sure of it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Love has no desire but to fulfill itself.”   You don’t have to force it, trick it, wait for it or cage it up so no one else can get it.  You don’t have to experience pain or heartache in order to experience love.

When you truly love someone, you are simply thankful that they exist and you want them to be happy whether they are with you or not. You can see beyond yourself enough to know that this is not all there is.

This post is not just about romance and dramatic lyrics though, is it?  The more we learn what love is trying to teach us, the more we’ll appreciate every aspect of our journeys.  Love does not exist in one person, place or thing.  It’s everywhere, above, below and around and inside of all of us.  So you see, there’s no need to cling or fixate on a certain outcome.

Love says to let go, have faith, and be at peace. Not just in your relationships, but in life.  Are you listening?

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